Things that only happen in movies (top 17)

Hollywood! Movies! There’s no other place where:

  1. If the hero starts dancing, suddenly, everybody around knows the steps and dance with them.
  2. Any car hit by a bullet immediately explodes in a cloud of flames, a mere rivulet of oil turns into a fire ball.
  3. An ugly girl only has to remove her glasses and untie her hair to transform herself into an iridescent beauty queen.
  4. If you look languorously into the eyes of a woman, music always starts to play (even if there is no stereo in the room). Ain’t it handy?
  5. In car pursuits, you only have to zip through crossroads for all others to halt in tire shrieks. No need to check the traffic lights…
  6. In car pursuits, you just need to speed up to fly over wide gaping spaces (gravity seems nullified provided that you can push the pedal hard enough!)
  7. The first truncheon hit systematically sends the bad guy either to sleep or flying through the room like a ball on a pool table.
  8. The hero will only yield to baddies after dozens of hits by a large group of hulking champion weight-lifters.
  9. All computers are fifteen years ahead of current technology and blinkingly beautiful (no dull grey boxes, but nice blinking lights or impressive 3D graphics interface).
  10. Baddies are always easy to recognize in a crowd. They are ugly, dirty and grimacing (if not with a scar on the face). Why doesn’t the police use this kind of clue in movies while the same kind of profiling is used routinely in our streets?
  11. When the hero enters an unknown derelict space ship, he has no difficulty finding and operating the door lock, the ship’s controls and the hyper-space radio.
  12. When we see a distant explosion on screen, the sound is never late (is speed of sound as fast as speed of light in movies?).
  13. Radio-activity makes objects glow in the dark (it’s useful since we wouldn’t see it – Many scientists including Pierre and Marie Curie would have wanted to know that they just had to switch off the light in their laboratories!)
  14. In the void of empty space, sounds are deafening: Shrieking spaceship rockets can be heard from the other end of the galaxy despite the total lack of atmosphere to transmit it.
  15. A detective cannot solve a case before he has been suspended for insubordination
  16. Even when the road is straight, if you drive a car, you must continuously swing the wheel right and left
  17. The wounds of the hero will not make him even wince, except when a gorgeous woman is trying to clean them

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